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Our friends for more than 20 years, a person who's faced and conquered numerous challenges, and I respect her for that. However, she's constantly taken by surprise by people. Her partner left her, and it was a massive blow. Many of her friends disappeared at that point, as they were drawn to the spouse. It shocked her deeply. She put in increased attention to be my friend, and must have understood better the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern In Relationships

Throughout this period, quite a few in her circle have drifted apart leaving her certain of the reason. Her last employer turned on her, although she had been highly competent, her exit happened not understanding why things shifted.

Present Situation

In recent times, both of us retired and are seeing frequent meetups, yet I realize the part I play in our friendship is to listen. I introduce subjects only for her to redirect them to her own topics. In terms of politics, she has strong opinions. I try to suggest verifying facts and alternate views.

She has been organizing a holiday to a nation I know well repeatedly and resided in previously. I tried to offer insights, but this was unappreciated. She purely just desired validation of her choices. I have ended a month there and she wants to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling in this role that walks away without a word, yet I doubt she will ever grasp the impact of how she acts on my self-esteem. Right now, my state is distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

One option is to end things abruptly, yet this is not often the easy answer we imagine. Yet having a direct talk aiming for a solution requires bravery and readiness for each of you.

Experts suggest using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step involves describing how things go when you talk. Aim for this to be based on facts like an unbiased account. The second involves sharing the way it leaves you feeling. This allows for no argument here. Emotions are valid, naturally. Finally is to ask how you are both can shift the dynamics between you."

Consider that she also has a point of view, thus requiring you to be prepared to acknowledge it. An approach that works is to say your friend:

"It's your turn to speak and I'm going to listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

It's wildly successful for promoting understanding.

Key Takeaways

She might reject all you say, as some people have a “survival narrative”: they maintain a version about themselves they won't let go of since their identity depends upon it being the only thing they've known. This poses a challenge as there is no clear path here, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might at first react defensively then consider about what you've said. If you don't achieve a fix, it provides closure knowing you were open and direct.